So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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