oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
