i would punch a child for taco bell
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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