She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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