So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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