well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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