dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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