Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My dick has a subreddit
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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