Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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