I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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