He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I enjoy the company of your penis
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
