dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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