Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
