Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
