He kissed a someone with a penis
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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