It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
