His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
