Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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