I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
