Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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