I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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