guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
