For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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