I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
