You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
