sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
