I just cut my nipple shaving
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
