Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
