is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
