Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
