I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
