I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
