I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
