and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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