It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
