The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
