oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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