i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
