I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
