you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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