I heard we made out
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
