Apparently you make a good broom.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
