Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
