Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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