Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
