i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
