I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
