some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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