She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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