This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
