im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
