you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
