We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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