Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
