okay pat passed out under dana's car
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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