then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
