I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
