I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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