Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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