I can't watch pbs sober anymore
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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