I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
