i love accidental penises.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
