dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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