i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
