I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Randomize
